The Alchemyst

The Alchemyst by Michael Scott

I'm a little nervous about writing this, because it was the first book I ever reviewed. I wrote it for the school newspaper, which failed miserably. Instead of the official-looking news-packed bundle of paper we thought would make us all lots of money, we ended up with two badly printed pieces of paper that were handed out to the whole class ten minutes before school ended for the year. Ah well, we tried.

But back to the book. This is a good book. In fact, it is one of my favorites, along with the rest of the books on my expansive collection of shelves. However, it is one of the only series's (series? seriess's? Who knows.) that I have read more than twice. The only other two that I can think of are the Septimus Heap series (Very good, will be reviewed soon), and the Chronicles of Narnia. Narnia I read over and over because it's amazing, and the other two because I keep forgetting what happens. Which is why I have to get around to actually writing the review before I forget what happens.

This book is about two twins, Sophie and Josh Newman, who work across the street from each other. Sophie works for Perry Fleming in a tea shop, and Josh works for Nick Fleming in a book shop. Due to the occurrence of a "gas leak" the bookshop explodes, and everyone has "hallucinations" of "magic" and "mud people" walking across the "street" to the "bookshop" which "exploded." Oh no. I can't stop it, I'm about to go on a completely unrelated tangent and I will have to retype the entire review again. And now I'm discussing getting sidetracked. Anyways, the things that I was reminded of are A: a really funny bit from one of Dave Barry's book, can't remember which one, and B: this all sounds like Matrix doesn't it? Anyways, the "magic" and the "mud men" were all real.

And they have a big battle of magic and explosions and cool stuff, and then the evil guys (identified by black clothing) steal a book and run away, and manage to kidnap Perry too. After the battle Nick Fleming reveals that he is actually Nicholas Flamel, who (and you would know this if you read the front of the book) is both immortal, and has secrets. And he's an Alchemyst. Little does he know, that is not how you spell Alchemist! However, there is already a book called The Alchemist, so to avoid being sued by an auther with a computer, the immortal magician and alchmyst who has been defending the earth for over a hundred years needs to change the name of his entire occupation.

Also, the book that was stolen is the only thing keeping Nicholas and Perrenelle alive, and it has the key to destroying human life. And it is in the hands of EVIL. <insert dramatic music here>

All in all, it's a good book. The action is...um...ahh... actioney. It seems realistic. Well, as realistic as a magical duel can be. And the characters seem like real people with feelings, not bodies to imbue with magical powers so you can get good action scenes.

Reading that last paragraph again, there is one thing that has me thinking: what on earth does the phrase "all in all mean"?
Thank you Google, now I know that it originated in the 19th century and means "when everything is considered". Thanks to advertising I also know that if you want to lose weight you should never eat banana's that are infested with flies (why would eat those anyways?) and that there is a shirt in existence that is just one big picture of a cure dog face. Isn't the modern world wonderful?

Insurgent

Insurgent by Veronica Roth


This is the sequel to Divergent, another wonderful book.

This book is set shortly after Divergent, so if you haven't read it yet, you should probably wait to read this post.



As the war with Erudite gets more and more intense, the remaining Dauntless realize that they need allies. Amity proves to be useless in war for obvious reasons, Candor is only good for interrogating people, and Abnegation is pretty much dead. This leaves the Dauntless with only one choice: the Factionles. (Dramatic music). But the Dauntless keep getting killed, and Triss is locked in a struggle with her own feelings, leaving her almost useless. The Erudite have almost perfected the Simulations Serum to work on Divergent, and betrayal strangely doesn't occur to anyone. And history repeats itself with...

Another twist ending! Reminds me of a book called Maze Runner. Maybe I should review that, it was a good book. Or maybe you should just read it. And read Divergent, and Insurgent. I wonder what the next book will be called. My uncle had a few ideas: Detergent and Very Urgent. Any other words that rhyme with "insurgent" should go straight to the comments section.

Xenocide

Xenocide by Orson Scott Card




This is the sequel to Speaker for the Dead, which in turn is the sequel to Ender's Game, and the prequel to Children of the Mind.

This book is about religions and feelings and emotions and self sacrifice and philosophy and ethics and the like, which makes it very hard to review because writing about feelings is hard.

Anyways, the book is set on two planets, Lusitania and Path. Lusitania is home to a small colony of humans and the only existing buggers and piggies (two alien species) in the universe, and a deadly virus that may or may not be intelligent called the Descolada. The Descolada is essential to life for the piggies, but requires constant work to keep it from killing all the humans. Path is a religious world that worships gods and their messengers, the wise godspoken. To solve the problem of the Descolada, the Starways Congress launches a fleet to annihilate the Descolada and the world of it's origin. This is bad.

The fate of the only two known  sentient life forms in the galaxy rests on the shoulders of Jane, a hyper intelligent computer system. She can save the world by sacrificing herself, and that provides a very interesting plot. You should read the book. It is awesome.

Science Fair

Science Fair by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson


No, I'm not desperate for help with my science fair project that will count for 40% of my science grade, I'll freak out about that this summer. Ideas appreciated.

This is a book that combines the wonderful story telling skills of Ridley Pearson, who wrote another book that was awesome but I can't quite remember what, and the funny touch of Dave Barry, who writes funny things. This book is about a school. In this school is a lot of people, but in specific three of them. And a frog. And with this frog will be involved in a science fair experiment. And within this science fair (grand prize: $5,000) there is a chance that the U.S. government will collapse. And there is a Robot Owl of Death. But not in the science fair experiment. Or the government. And the book is funny. And you will read it, or be hunted down by the Robot Laser Owl of Death. Oh, and one final thing:


Beware the might of Krpsht.


I would just like to say that the spelling suggestions for the word Krpsht are Sharpshoot, Grapeshot, and Krypton.

Makes me wonder, does the word grapeshot mean grapes that are hot, a single grape that has been shot, or a pairing of the rare grapesh and an ot (abbreviation for otter).

Khan Academy

This isn't a book, but a really cool website for learning things. Khan Academy is an online repository (my stupid computer says "online" isn't a word) of knowledge in the form of videos. It has videos on math, from addition to calculus and statistics and trigonometry, (which I have discovered is fun and not that hard), all ranges of science, lots of things I don't understand on finance and economy, and even a bit about humanities and civics and the like. Also, if you make an account, you can earn badges for doing things like getting a streak of 5000 trig problems right in a row (almost there!(no, I'm not)).

Note: I am not being paid to say this, but I should be :)

So if you have some spare time, check that out.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

This is a most hilarious book. It is set on Earth, and follows the adventures of one Arthur Dent, who likes tea but is relatively unremarkable. He learns that his house is going to be demolished to make space for a highway, and he isn't happy about it. So he lays in front of the bulldozer. All morning. Until his friend, Ford Prefect comes to show him something, somewhere else. However, Arthur reasons that he can't, because he has to keep the people from destroying his house. Eventually, Ford convinces the destruction team that they don't actually need Arthur to lie in the mud, and he can go do something while they lie in the mud. So they go of the get a drink, and Ford informs Arthur that the Earth is about to explode. Then it does. The end.

No, actually, they hitch a ride on the Vogon ship that blew up the planet. Then they are expelled out of an airlock. Then they died.

No, actually, something else happens involving penguins. But I won't tell you, because then you won't read it. So read the book. But I'll tell you that it involves an improbability drive. And a two headed three armed alien.

Philisophical Questions

One of my friends randomly forced a piece of paper containing a bunch of questions titled "Philosophy Questions" and walked away. So now I'm gonna answer them, and you can reply with your answer, and then we'll get into a big debate, and our brains will be smarter. So here are a few from the list of 40 that I have:

4. Should you let little things bother you?
In general, no. If something is really bothering you, then you should find out why, and then the problem will solved and everyone will be happy.

5.Is it your duty to give to charity?
Not really, I don't think you have a duty to help anyone, unless you have promised to. From an evolutionary standpoint (ya know, the survival of the species one.) it could go either way. If you did give to charity, then you would increase the chance of others survival, which would rebound in the long term to help you, but it could potentially endanger your survival in the short term.

7.Should you ever tell a lie?
Yes. Sometimes a lie makes everything go smoother and everyone happier. As long as the end result is the same as if you told the truth, but better, whether that means faster of happier or less sad, lies are sometimes good, when used carefully.

10.Do we control technology or does it control us?
Interesting. In a literal sense, of course we control tech, after all, we're the ones pushing buttons and pulling levers. But in a philosophical sense, well, I don't know. Please comment.

13. Can you doubt that you exist?
Well of course, look at Matrix. That entire movie was about our nonexistence. But I think that even though we can tell ourselves that we don't think we exist, our brain is wired to believe that we do, and that we must be preserved, because if it wasn't, we would all die.

14.Does a tree make a sound if it falls in a forest with no one around?
The only way I can answer this is YES of course it does! Sound is a vibration of air, and air vibrates whether our ear is there to pick it up or not.

18. Can you lie to yourself?
Yes, look at my answer for number 13. You lie to yourself that you believe that you don't exist, but deep down you believe that you do. Or maybe we all lie to ourselves that we do exist, but deep deep down we know of our nonexistence.

20.Can computers think?
Computers use algorithms to figure out what to do. These algorithms can be very simple, or extremely complex and learn that with these parameters present, this method fails miserably. What are our minds but the most complicated algorithm in existence?

22.Does anything ever happen by chance?
Well, my first instinct is that no, if you know all the information and how it goes together, which is literally impossible, you  can predict things. But, when you have a spinner with a 50% chance of landing on blue and a 50% chance of landing on red, can you know which it will land on? Maybe.

24.Are numbers and people equally real?
No. People are something, numbers are imaginary things that we have thought up in our heads to express an amount of something.

28.Do you have free will?
Do you have free will, I love this one. I like the point argued in a wonderful book by Orson Scott Card, Xenocide, which I will review, that all actions are determined by past actions, which are influenced by more past actions, and we are really just playing out a set chain of events that cannot change, and that free will is only a figment of our imagination to keep us playing out this story of the universe. This idea should have a name, such as "The Fate Theorem".

32. Should you always listen to the opinions of others?
Yes, because others are smart, but you shouldn't necessarily act on them.

33. Should you criticize people and their opinions?
If you didn't, how would they know you disagree?

35. Is it always easy to tell what causes things to happen?
Why do humans think? I think the answer is a resounding NO.

39.Can something logical ever not make sense?
This brings to mind and episode of Doctor Who (It's a show about aliens ans time travel, not doctors with no faces) in which they  are investigating a grave that is missing a body. The ground on top wasn't disturbed, the sides of the grave were wooden, and only the bottom remained. Logically, the ground, or something in it, eats people. But does that make sense? No. Actually, it was an ancient race of subterranean lizard people called Sillurians, or homo reptilia. Yes, I memorize the Latin names of aliens.